Growing Pains

I moved to Nashville in March 2011. I went straight from living in my parents' house for twenty four years and being within a ten mile radius of my entire family, to living in a whole new state by myself in just a span of two weeks. To say that it rocked my little world would be an understatement. Jack has lived in Nashville for a little more than ten years. He's a little more adjusted to the whole "no family around" thing, as his entire family is scattered across the United States.


I am so thankful for him and that through this crazy journey we came together. I truly don't know what I would do without him. Jack and I are SO incredibly close. Like, how did I previously make it for twenty-seven years of my life without him? We are close because really, we are all we have up here. We have to rely on one another. We have to sacrifice for one another and basically just figure stuff out on our own. We don't have the luxury of calling grandma if Camden is sick. We don't get a free babysitter if one of us has a dentist appointment or if we want to go out.


While this seems difficult at times, and often results in feelings of loneliness, frustration, tears, and vent sessions between the two of us, there are times when I feel like Superwoman. I've had to deal with stuff that most of my friends will never have to deal with. I don't have mom, dad, grandma, grandpa, or cousins at my fingertips or beckoning call. Yes, I have close friends up here who would do their best to help me out at the drop of a hat. But they have lives and family too, and sometimes they aren't there. Like when Jack and I had to move from our apartments to our new home- we had to do that all by ourselves, just the two of us. No help. At all. And it sucked. But as always, we relied on one another, communicated well, and it got done. We had to.


We do have some trusted support networks in our area, but again, they have families and children of their own to tend to. This leads to the feeling of being "un-needed." I get that feeling a lot. No one here needs my help. No one around here needs my friendship. Many people we know and are friends with in our community already have lifelong friends and family that are close by, so why would they call me? I am not needed. Sometimes I feel that no one at home needs me either. They've made it just fine for the four years I've been gone.


We have already started talking about how to handle the holidays this year. Last year, we spent Thanksgiving in Knoxville, Christmas Eve in Knoxville, and then Christmas Day with my family. We will probably just do the same thing this year because it worked out pretty well for us. But what happens when we have children of our own? (Lord willing!) Do they have to get dragged around here and there and never get to enjoy Christmas in the comforts of their own home? Will they get the opportunity to run down the stairs at OUR house to see what Santa has brought, or will it always happen at someone else's house? Not to say they'd enjoy it any less if it took place somewhere other than their own home, but still, it's the principle of the fact. I mean, what if one Christmas someone got the flu and we COULDN'T go home; the hassle of having to "hide" presents; the cost alone of traveling. The stress adds up, and so do the miles on our cars. Sorry if this hurts feelings, but I can literally count on one hand the number of times I've been visited by my family since I moved to Nashville. Man, it would be so nice to have the roles reversed now and then. However, I doubt that will change anytime soon with the pending arrival of the first biological grandchild. Cam is technically the first. I know it was my choice to move here- and it may sound like I'm being whiny and selfish, but I am being whiny and selfish. My blog, my rules.


I love my family more than anything, so don't think that this is a bash my family blog, because it's not. I miss them. I am missing the birth of my nephew, birthday parties, family get-togethers, funerals...I hate feeling left out. Again, I know it was my choice to move here, and really the career opportunity here makes up for some of it, but definitely doesn't replace it. Not really sure how to end this blog, because it feels like one long hissy fit. So, rant over. Carry on.